As I feared, this blog has become nonsense, especially to those people who have not been reading for a very long time. Since no one has enough time to read a whole blog (and really, who'd want to?) I'd like to present a condensed, summarized, version:
I started this blog with two posts, uncreatively titled "Part One" and "Part Two," that are essential to understanding the rest of the blog. They briefly explain Eva's suicide, and what drove me to consider my own. Almost everything I write about elaborates upon something in one of these two posts.
I like to call this the Information part of the blog. There are general encyclopedia-like entries about such topics as suicide myths and self-injury. The misconceptions about suicidal people are also touched upon for the first time, as well as mentions of hate against the emo subculture. Many of these topics will reoccur.
Not a whole lot happens here.
Nothing all that interesting here either. There's one post when I reflect that I've forgotten certain aspects of Eva, but other than that, nothing of note.
Things finally started picking up some speed. I actually consider this the most interesting part of the blog. My bad poetry makes its first appearance, dealing with the repercussions of self-injury. There is more remembering/forgetting Eva, and questioning if there's a point when suicide stops being immoral. This month also contains three (according to my stats) very popular posts following the controversy surrounding the suicide of 13-year-old Hannah Bond and the alleged cause, a band called My Chemical Romance.
June begins with a discussion of whether the accusations of selfishness at those who are considering suicide is justified. It has no real conclusion.
I then jump ahead to another post involving music, this time about The Wall by Pink Floyd.
I am also extremely shocked at the extent of hate put forth by a website called Encyclopedia Dramatica. I am so upset, in fact, that I write two posts about it.
Other sights include another bad poem about me feeling chained to the past, a follow-up post to the Hannah Bond thing, and an explanation of why I am an atheist.
Here's what I was thinking about in July:
Reminiscing about who I used to be, in the form of a bad poem.
A heart-felt letter to Eva, containing everything I wish I could say to her.
A really good article by New York Times Magazine trying to get to the bottom of why some people succeed in committing suicide and others don't.
Religious morons on YouTube.
Me revisiting the selfish question, and still without a solid conclusion. A bit later, some lady on Yahoo! Answers states that all people with a mental illness are selfish, self-absorbed, and "don't give a crap about self-introspection."
Two debates with myself: Is suicide a waste of life? Will I really miss out on anything?
Eva died in an August. So, Augusts are basically not all that pleasant. This was the second anniversary of her death.
If Eva had lived, I wonder where she would be now.
I muse about what this closure I am seeking is, and if I really want it. I explore my lifelong connection to reading and writing, and how it has helped me through the dark times. I also realize that I probably used to be one of those people who think suicide is stupid. However, I can assure you that I was never as insensitive and just plain fucked up as this other lady on Yahoo! Answers, who evoked around the same range of emotions as did Encyclopedia Dramatica.
This is two years longer than I ever intended to live. However, suicide persistently stays in the back of my head.
I reflect on the Augusts of the last three years and how I've changed each year. This, of course, is in the form of a bad poem.
I write about a new award-winning book in young adult literature, Th1rteen R3asons Why by Jay Asher, the subject of which is a teen's suicide and my reactions to the novel.
I am probably being generally unappreciative of this month. The only things that might be worth reading are a study correlating breast implants and suicide, and a rantish piece about book censorship.
The conversation series is continued with a discussion of assisted suicide. I extract some PostSecret postcards about self-injury from the depths of the Internet, and flashback to February 2007. Meanwhile, the Internet generally goes nuts over the suicide of Abe Biggs, which was streamed live on webcam.
I sink into another bout of depression, which may or may not have anything to do with Eva's birthday.
The year must be winding down, because PsychCentral has selected the top depression blogs of 2008.
Rest be assured though, some things never change: YouTube still has an unnaturally high population of idiots.
Stages, detailing depression, is one of the few posts I actually like. I also write about the first time I self-injured.
I deal with an idiot school counselor (and an idiot singer), and argue with Suicide.org.
Life is actually good; what more needs to be said?
Self-harm awareness day is March 1st.
I can't make sense of the continued sense of almost-happy- it scares me.
And is depression really so bad? Why do we feel the need to be so darned happy all the time? I blame the Enlightenment.
Updates on Th1rteen R3asons Why- and they're different than you might expect.
I get really sick. This is important, but I consequentally don't write much. A concern troll drops by for a visit however.
I remain sick. I want to die. I'm back in the hole in which I started. So much for feeling pretty good a few months ago.
Feeling of inhumanity abound.
Although depressed and cutting, I embark on a solo road trip.
Also, depression apparently doesn't exist.
The road trip concludes.
I want to be safe with my illness, and I don't want to be defined by it either.
TWLOHA sells t-shirts, perhaps to an audience that thinks cutting is cool, trendy, and fun.
I still blame myself for Eva's death. Really.
I will do my best to update this post every few months or so, to keep a nice directory handy.