January 27, 2009

"That it's now in the past makes no difference."

MARIAH, age 17, author of The Suicide List
MR. NOSE,* Mariah's school counselor
*name has been changed to protect the person's identity

(Scene opens on January 27, 2009. MARIAH and MR. NOSE are sitting in Mr. Nose's tiny, cluttered office. MR. NOSE looks a little flustered, and MARIAH is slouched down in her chair.)

MR. NOSE: But, doesn't it bother you that you don't know where you'll be in two years?

MARIAH: Not really. I had no idea I'd be here two years ago. Besides, I'm working on it.

MR. NOSE: (sighs) There's a lot you should've done to prevent this, Mariah. You could've attended 4-year class planning sessions freshmen year. You should have had a university and major chosen by last year. I know you were fully capable of passing those classes as well.

MARIAH: That's all in the past. And, if I should've had all this figured out three years ago, then why do such a large portion of students change majors?

MR. NOSE: (ignores her question) That it's now in the past makes no difference. You still didn't do those things.

MARIAH: (rolls eyes) Do you have a time machine I can borrow, then?

MR. NOSE: I'd think you are old enough to know that the world doesn't revolve around you.

MARIAH: Indeed, it doesn't. It revolves around the sun. And I am also old enough to realize that a person's success at life can't be measured purely by academic achievements.

MR. NOSE: (raises eyebrow) It can't?

MARIAH: You've obviously never spoken with the football players on this subject. Or teenagers in general, for that matter.

MR. NOSE: Are you trying to get sent to ISS?


MR. NOSE: Watch your mouth, young lady.

MARIAH: When you were in high school, did you want to be a high school counselor?

(MR. NOSE becomes very uncomfortable, and sends MARIAH to ISS. Scene closes)


  1. Mr Nose sounds like a tool << educated opinion

    It makes his job easier if you have a life plan but life hardly ever adheres to your plans. You can't program a future for yourself and then expect to breeze through it.

    He should have asked how he could help you now rather than telling you off for things you have no way of changing. He's supposed to be there to help you, right?

    What do you want to do after school, btw?

    Or are you just concentrating on surviving that?

    I understand how futile it feels to plan for the future when you're just trying to get through the day.

  2. I don't think it takes an Einstein to realize that my counselor probably failed the "How to Offer Constructive Advice" course.

    The worst part is that the school requires you to go speak with your counselor every once in a while.

    1. Survive high school.

    2. Take 1- 1 1/2 years off to travel/work.

    3. Get accepted into a school far, far away.

    4. Major in social sciences (probably).

    5. Spend 40 years in a job I will probably end up hating.