It's one of the most common (and most unhelpful) things people say when someone confides that they are considering ending their life: "How could you be so selfish?" My views on this are complicated, as I am guessing most peoples' are.
Where to begin... Those who say that suicide is selfish's main argument is that the suicidal person will leave so many people behind to feel so much pain. I can identify with that- I chalk my suicide attempt and everything else related to it mainly to Eva's death.
On the other hand, if the scenario was reversed, if one person wanted to keep living and everyone he knew wanted him to kill himself, it just seems preposterous. Though there are cases where this has occured, for example, suicides believed to have stemmed from being bullied. Is it part of the please-everyone-but-yourself society?
I believe some things are very personal decisions that no one can ever make for you. No one can say how you feel; everyone is different. It's YOUR freaking life! Sure everyone wants to share it with you, but you're the central person here, right? Social confirmity can only be taken so far.
And if you're so desparate you're considering suicide, then you're probably beyond caring what other people think or who will care.
This is where it gets complicated for me. If you read near the end of this post, there is a part that goes like this:
“Mariah, please don’t do it. Please don’t murder yourself.”Hmm... sort of the thing we're talking about, isn't it?
Well, when he puts it THAT way…
Martin grabs me by the shoulders (he’s a lot taller than me). “Mariah, I
know you’re doing this because of Eva. But it’s not going to take away from the
amount of pain in the world- it’ll add to it. I’ll feel the same way you’re
feeling now, and then what? I love you. Please don’t go.”
But, there's this bit:
I finish signing my name with tears in my eyes. For some reason, I’d thought
committing suicide would be easier than this.
I was crying and I didn't know why. Maybe, just maybe, I already, deep down inside, knew that I didn't want to die?