March 19, 2009

I Miss Me- But Who's That?

I went to the movie theatre with friends last night... the first time in months. Actually, I can't recall the previous time, so it must've been longer than that.

Most people would be happy to know that I enjoyed myself. I found this terrifying.

Throughout this blog, I keep saying I want to act like a normal teenager; I want to be happy again. Then I go and be happy and I scare myself half to death.

I don't know how to respond; it's way too far out of my comfort zone. So is my new "normal" depressive? I guess so.

Which leads me to say that I can't return to what I call my "normal" moods and behaviors from before Eva's suicide.

And that is terrifying too, because I don't know where to go next.


  1. i know exactly what you mean, i go through days if not weeks feeling like that. going to the movies is fun, what did u see?

  2. You can never go back to the person you were but you might find you like the person you become.

  3. It's really good that you enjoyed yourself though I can understand it being scary! But maybe you could start to have more nights like that, even though it can never be like it was before, maybe things could start to get a bit better x

  4. Your post describes how I feel in such a simplistic way. I fear being happy. It doesn't fit.

  5. @ The Cutter:

    Clear advice, but I clearly am very fustrated with myself a lot of the time, so...