August 17, 2009

Three Years and a Day

It's been three years and a day since Eva died. As another year goes by, I can't help but feel that it's too long to still be hung up on this- almost 1/6 of my entire life so far.

So what did I do yestderday?
Volunteered at the rape crisis center. This was intentional.


  1. I am glad you did something so possitive on such a sad aniversary. Hope all is ok, Hannah X

  2. hope it helped you to get through it OK. anniversary dates are tough but as colouredmind said, reaching for the positive is a good thing. an inspired bit of bravery, imo.

  3. Hi Mariah,

    First of all my condolences for the death of your friend, I’m sure she must have been an extraordinary human-being that you still miss her so. It also says a lot about your character that you care so deeply about people, such a deep and committed friendship (star-crossed would be an appropriate term I think) is very, very rare in the shallow and egotistical world we live in (especially for someone so young as you). Of course it’s quite unfortunate it couldn’t just continue yet, as evidenced by your commitment to positive things, at least it shows that bad things could have (although not necessarily) good consequences. That’s at least what Leibnitz claimed in his defense of optimism, although it’s hardly convincing evidence for his thesis that we happen to be living in ‘the best of all possible worlds’ (meilleur des mondes possible). At least he actually attempted to approach this issue rationally instead of relying on weak sophisms like the modern myth of mental illness (a version of the general category of the ad-hominem argument), especially as it pertains to suicide. It’s far easier to declare people who loathe the world mentally ill (with very scanty scientific proof to back up this rather outrageous claim) than to prove this world actually has value and purpose and that life is worthwhile and meaningful. Perhaps your friend discovered the truth and just couldn’t take it anymore, overcome with horror and shock (somewhat analogous to people dying of a heart-attack after a sudden accident or fright); “If you gaze into the abyss the abyss also gazes into you” (Nietzsche). Too bad she couldn’t tell you before she did what she did.
    In general it’s far easier to live with the consequences of people’s actions if you actually understand why they did it, especially in the case of a fairly extreme and permanent act like suicide.

    Anyway, I can’t help but admire your wit and sensitivity and concur with Curator (a post on her blog led me to yours) that although I’m absolutely pro-choice it would be better if you actually decided to stay with us for a little while longer, hopefully one day this shadow hanging over your life will disappear and new meaning will arise. If you are this mature, bright and cultivated at 17 just imagine what could become of you in 5 or 10 years from now. The world is full of fools and half-wits, to find an original and keen spirit is both rare and refreshing.

    The best of luck to you,