Drowned

At one point,
I was different.
I was just like you,
Or him,
Or her.
Or anyone else in this room.
At one point,
I could laugh;
I could cry;
I could feel.
And
The rest of you are still like that and
Will never go where I am now.

I know there’s something wrong;
I know this is no way to live.
But
I also know that
I’ve given up.

Why?

Let this grim darkness be a river
And let me be a twig within it.
The current is too strong;
I am powerless.
Why waste energy to even to try
To swim in futile attempts?
I float.
I drift.
I don’t really participate.

And it’s OK by me;
I’m still alive and breathing,
And that’s all
Anyone ever sees.
And
Life when I was different
Is beginning to fade,
Lose its color and poignancy.
I’m beginning to forget.

This is how I know I’ve been swept up
In the twisting current,
Numbed by fridged tempatures,
Never to dry out.