July 16, 2009


At one point,
I was different.
I was just like you,
Or him,
Or her.
Or anyone else in this room.
At one point,
I could laugh;
I could cry;
I could feel.
The rest of you are still like that and
Will never go where I am now.

I know there’s something wrong;
I know this is no way to live.
I also know that
I’ve given up.


Let this grim darkness be a river
And let me be a twig within it.
The current is too strong;
I am powerless.
Why waste energy to even to try
To swim in futile attempts?
I float.
I drift.
I don’t really participate.

And it’s OK by me;
I’m still alive and breathing,
And that’s all
Anyone ever sees.
Life when I was different
Is beginning to fade,
Lose its color and poignancy.
I’m beginning to forget.

This is how I know I’ve been swept up
In the twisting current,
Numbed by fridged tempatures,
Never to dry out.


  1. Thanks so much for your post, and your blog. Millions of Americans are suffering from adult and adolescent depression. Silver Hill Hospital has clinicians trained in evaluation, diagnosis and treatment and provides hope for people who may not have been getting the right care. Talking/blogging about mental illness can be extremely helpful not just for yourself, but for others in need. Keep up the good work.

  2. I love what you wrote i too find myself in those words, the neverendless pain that i endure every day sometimes i stop and i look at myself seeing how pathetic i am, its pointless anyway. Im sorry for your friend for what happened though in my soul i envy him in some way.. as i said its pointless. Best of luck on your search of finding answers