October 5, 2008

The Trinity of the Lost

Can you miss people you've never met? And is it really right to miss people who you know will never return?

Sometimes I feel as if there's an immense, gaping, hole inside of me. It is not the hole left by Eva, no, that one is distinct. I feel as if there was something I should've done, someone I should've met, but now the opportunity has gone. I grope blindly at vapors of thought, trying to put my finger on who -or what - it is. Maybe it's that I think that I shouldn't still be suspended in this ever-present state of semi-darkness and should be out reclaiming my life.

I know it's completely normal for a person to miss someone close after they've died, or someone not so close, for that matter. After all, a large part of our lives previously consumed by that person is suddenly left stripped naked, freezing to death. But, I ask myself, if we know it's never going to change, why must we put up with ourselves like this? Evolution sure isn't all that brilliant sometimes. It's like a child who keeps wishing he could fly to Neverland.

Today is one of those days that I find myself missing so many people: Eva, myself, and that person I never met. The trinity of the lost.

1 comment:

  1. Hi - I found your Blog the mental health blogger directory. I lost my partner to suicide in 2001 and was diagnosed in 2007 with PTSD as a direct result of his death. I certainly can understand the pain, loss, and grief you're going through.

    I now attend a support group for those bereaved through suicide, after almost reaching the end of my rope last year. Unless you've lost someone to suicide you simply cannot understand the emotions connected with it.

    I'll check back on your Blog regularly. I also run a bereaved through suicide forum if you're interested in joining. I won't post the link here, but feel free to email me.

    Best Wishes,