Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of underlying problem. It's been almost two years now, and it still affects me every day. Does it take this long for other people to heal? Or am I just using Eva's suicide as an excuse to cover something else?
I dread what lies ahead during this month. I know, I'm resigning myself to it if I keep thinking it'll happen, but treating the days like any other just isn't going to seem possible. Yep, I'm planning how I will react, but I don't know how to stop doing that. I can't.
I hate Augusts. And not just because of the insane heat. See? There I go. I've only hated the last two, and only what they've been associated with for me, so why can't this one be like the other fourteen in my life- a frantic attempt to enjoy the last of summer to the extreme?
Two years is no time at all. Don't be so hard on yourself. Feel what you feel, it's OK.
ReplyDelete