There is a reason I feel so guilty about Eva. I know it's a stupid reason, but it still plagues me.
The summer Eva killed herself, I wasn't there. I left just after school let out for leadership camp program (this was back when I was recommended for this type of thing) and wasn't home a week before she killed herself.
I wasn't there to see the preceding events. I don't know if there were actually warning signs. I should have cherished our last summer together, but I didn't know of the upcoming doom.
And that is why I blame myself for Eva's death.
Hey, finally fixed my comment link so it actually links to my new blog. It's not your fault, you couldn't have been there all the time anyway. I'm sure it feels like you should blame yourself but you can't. Even if you were there you might not have seen any warning signs and then you would be chastising yourself even further for not noticing. And I'm sure Eva wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself, she was your friend, she wouldn't have wanted you to be blaming yourself
ReplyDeleteHannah x
It's really not a stupid reason. I'm definitely not saying that it is any way your fault, it isn't.
ReplyDeleteBut I have a habit of making everything bad that happpens around me my fault, but I ignore the good things. You were a good friend for many years, and I'm sure you did everything you could.