February 22, 2009

Suicidal Thoughts Can't Be Cured

I've these thoughts;

They are a part of me

Inside my head


They cannot be changed;

I cannot be "cured."

I can't choose to ignore myself

To shut my own thoughts

Out of my head.

It just can't be done.

Fuck all you "experts"

Who say that there's only one method

To this madness.

Well, there's one method for me,

But it's not yours.

I am Mariah,

Simply Mariah.

Mariah who cut herself;

Mariah who thinks about suicide;

Mariah who obsesses over the past.


You can't change me.

You can't take my brain and

Mold it like clay.

I'll come around in my own time,

Thank you.


  1. This just totally called out to me because I understand EXACTLY what you mean. Sometimes I get really frustrated with the feelings, and all teh dr. does i prescribe me more meds, or up the dosage. There is no pill that will make me want to live when I am in that mood. I wish I could talk to more people who are like me. I ave biolar, and its sucks. Somedays I am happy and feel great by on the other days I loathe in sel pity and I hate seeing what it does to my friends and family! How can I break this viscious cycle!

  2. There are support groups, if you are not already involved.

  3. This is very inspirational, Mariah. I often think of killing myself, but my family takes me as if it is a joke. My email is uniquagirl@gmail.com I feel as though there is no medicine that can cure how I feel. I get angry very easily. I don't understand it most times. One minute, I'm happy, and literally, the next minute I am angry and want to kill myself. There have been horrible things that have happened to me in the past. Maybe that is a reason why. I get along well with my friends, but most other people, I do not get along with. I do NOT like support groups either. If I am so much as a little too close to someone I freak out. The suicidal thought, I figured, was the only way to stop the madness, but I have realized that it is not good at all. I'm 15

  4. SUICIDE???
    This is the worst worst word in the English language. Say fuck, damn, shit,etc, but NEVER say the word "suicide"
    I lay in bed and even put gun to my head. Then thought: "I wonder if all fathers and sons have same problem I have (son wanted (over 50) wanted to move in with wife and me). I went to computer and ask that question. Sure enough, there were many web sites about father and son problems. This changed my mind.
    However, my wife called my son and he called the police. They came to my home, handcuffed me, walked me barefoot to police car, brutally threw me, back first, into police car, and with me screaming in agony with my body on my hands behind me, drove me to the hospital. At hospital I was still in agony and screaming and begging inhuman police thing to help me. He just sat in front seat and continued his paperwork, ignoring me. I was in hospital three days and had a big lump on my left hand. Being a professional French Horn player, if I could not play anymore, I would have hunted down that pig and taken care of him. However, my hand healed and police department could care less about what had happened to me.
    BOTTOM LINE: Say any word you want, but NEVER 'suicide'. Or you may end up in jail too.

  5. when i was younger i thought the same way when my birth mother thought something was "wrong with me" but i thought that in reality the only thing wrong with me was her. I realized after that there was something wrong with me and i did need help. Depression, anxiety, ADD,
    memory loss... my list goes on. All of my problems just got worse. Ive had a rough life, yes, but seeking help from a psychiatrist turned my life around. I am 18 years old now. Ive been through more in my few 18 years then most 40 year olds never go through.